Finding Your Tribe

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” — Jane Howard, Margaret Mead

It quickly became one of the catchphrases of our digital generation. “Find Your Tribe” — the battle cry bellowed by writers, bloggers, businesses, philosophers, wellbeing experts, relationship gurus, advertisers, educators, and social media. Everyone we know has read about it and seems to be talking about it. The gravitation of like-minded people is a phenomenon that has been occurring intuitively for millions of years. Trust this current pop culture we live in to give it a definition and a discourse.

No matter who you are, we all want to experience a sense of community. To have a group of like-minded people, that is speaking the same language (literally but also spiritually), who are on the same page supporting each other as a collective. Sharing ideas, interests, and working in harmony — be it professional, personal, or other. Who we are creating who we meet — on a deeper level, your “personal reality begins inside of you” — when we are aware of what is going on inside of ourselves and are connected to our core self, what happens to us on the outside reflects this. The people we meet, the people we work with — they all gravitate to what it is that we project. If you want a happy tribe, be a happy man/woman.


Broadly defined, a tribe is a community that has shared interests and provides support to its members. A tribe can include family members, but it is not limited to them. Friends, coworkers, neighbors, pets, and many others can comprise our own “tribes.” 


We are born wired for connection. When our ancestors roamed the land for food, moving in numbers was vital to safety and survival, earlysettlers in the United States had to rely on each other to survive harsh weather and living conditions. However, as America prospered, our dependence on each other for survival diminished.

In Hawaii, whenever storms came, neighbors had to pull together to support each other. It was wise to show everyone kindness because you never knew when you might need help. Hence the “aloha spirit” was born. Hawaiians are now teaching about the “aloha spirit” in Hawaii’s public schools. 

Sadly, depression-, anxiety-, and trauma-based health concerns have risen with the dissolution of tribes. Being in connection with those who care about us reduces suffering. A powerful MRI study revealed that simply holding the hand of a loved one reduced one’s experience of pain (Carey, 2006). Tribes buffer us from the negative effects of stress. Connections heal.

Whatever you do, we hope you do it your way. And we hope you’re intentional, so you know when to stop building and start doing. And please, don’t give in to the pressure of what other people are doing. What works for them may not work for you. And it shouldn’t. You have to find your own way. 

Your tribe is waiting. However, the trail to find it must be blazed by you and you alone.

(By the way, if you like this post, you may consider being a part of the tribe that is being built here. A good way to begin is to sign up for the weekly newsletter.)

Have you found your tribe yet? Tell us about it in the comments.

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